A marriage in which one partner is always threatening the other with divorce isn't healthy. It results in emotional damage for both parties, and it can also lead to an actual divorce. Therefore, if your partner mentions the "D" word every time you fight, then you should do something about it. Some of the options you can explore include:
Sit Down and Talk
The first thing you should try is to sit down with your spouse and talk about his or her threats. In most cases, those who issue such threats are unhappy with their relationships. If that is the case in your marriage, then it is possible that your partner
- Is using divorce threats of displacing his or her feelings
- Is trying to justify how he or she is feeling
- Wants divorce, but wants you to trigger it so that he or she isn't the "bad guy."
Whatever the reason, it means that you have a major problem in your relationship, and just like with other marital problems, talking about it may help.
If you are lucky, then you may solve your problem just by sitting down and talking with your spouse. However, you may need the help of a marriage therapist if that doesn't work. According to WebMD, the success rate of marriage counseling ranges between 70 and 80%, which is a good percentage. Of course, this is only possible if you get a good counselor. The right therapist is one whose practice is comprised of at least 30% marriage counseling.
Counseling helps because it helps both of you to view your marriage objectively. That way you won't focus too much on your partner's problems or mistakes at the expense of your problems. You can also try individual counseling if your partner isn't ready, but ultimately you both need to get into it if you want your marriage to work.
Another option you can try is a trial separation. A trial separation gives each party a chance to reexamine his or her stance on the relationship, and it also shows you what it would be like to live apart from your partner. The beauty of it is that it sends the signal that you both value your relationship and isn't about to give up on it by opting for a full separation. A trial separation may or may not work for you, so it might be a good idea to ask your counselor about it before plunging ahead.
Ultimately, it is up to you to decide whether you want to keep your marriage. If you do reach your limit of endurance and decides on a divorce, you should look for a good divorce lawyer from a firm like Harold Salant Strassfield & Spielberg to help you with the legal side of things.